Being pushed into the the pool when you cannot swim feels like a punishment until you win your first gold medal.
When I was about 4 or 5 my twin cousins got sick of me needing them in the pool in order to swim. As a last born, it came with all the spoiled privilege, including older cousins who sometimes get saddled with your spoiled ass. And they just about had enough of me.
I still remember clinging on to one of them , begging her not to do it. I feel how my blood rushed to my face. My heart beat increased and my breathing changed. I was about to die. With no power of escaping. She was going to throw me in and it would be the end of my life. Thru the trusting eyes of a 4 year old, I realised as my face went under water and i was sinking, looking at them thru the water as I sank lower and lower….they really were not going to help me. I needed to move like they said. ARMS LEGS. BODY. KICK KICK KICK. GO GO GO…. and I NEEDED to do it fast.
By the end of the day I was the boss of the pool. Jumping in and out and further and further. The fear of death overcome with the help of a strong willed cousin. And my parents proud as I continued bring home gold medals for swimming in the years that followed.Faced with the same dilemma, over the past 2 weeks as I have lost my job. A place I put my heart and soul into. I accept my role in it and hope I handled it with as much grace as you can expect from me. I was very sad. Confused. And disrespected. Loosing your security while trying to grow spiritually or emotionally or any way I guess SUCKS. Specially when you were told “I got you” then bam…..Feels like being dropped in the pool again. The trust I had in the one carrying me to the pool. Gone for throwing me in it.
The hope I had for the reaching hand while I started drowning. Gone as I kept looking thru the tears for answers.The fear that started setting in as to how I will survive on my own kept all over me. Then the fear slowly turned to survival. You can only cry for so long before you die. Swem sussie swem. And so I am. Atleast I’m trying. Out of breath and short of skill but I’m swimming.Soon .. I will be at the finish line wearing my first gold medal. Started seeing patients and the joy in my heart is just over flowing. Working on building my brand. Networking.
The opportunities are all around me. School is going great. the extra student here evokes the challenger in me. So I’m performing better. Gained back those 4 kg due to the self pity eating but I’m not to stressed. I just know the last few weeks will fly by. l5 weeks left. (just less than) Training now is all about perfecting the learnt skills. Making small mistakes are no longer tolerated. getting it right is not good enough. . perfection is the biggest priority.
Fun in the air as well as we start preparing for graduation day. And homecoming day. My picture is taken at least once a day and so is my contact number. I know I will reap my success soon. Be inspired to try something new
Brave enough to fail.
Strong willed enough to not give up
And humble enough to thank those who pushes into the unknown.
And when you make it….. when you swim… You wear your gold with pride.