2 Loaves of bread and 3 fish was all I would get on my quest to saving the world.
He ran his fingers across my skin, and it completely trembled with pleasure. Looking at the man I have loved for 15 years, holding him on this night in my arms as the most magical night of my life. Never had I experienced sex this way where during it, all you can see is white light. your body in complete surrender, in complete ecstasy. Soon After my TURNING POINT experience, I started noticing this happening more and more often. on good days I could feel my skin vibrate. My energy levels had skyrocketed, and I was performing on personal and professional levels. I craved more of this feeling – this white light and skin vibration. I moved my interest to expand my understanding of energy and the whole creation of the universe. It led me down paths of Quantum Physics, veganism, re incarnation and the whole idea of a developing egg (check out YouTube. The Egg) concept.
I went through a whole 4 years of researching into various scientific fields trying to understand the whole concept, each idea just developing into the next. I studied revered professors from around the world. Stanford University, Prof. Robert Sapolsky I particularly enjoyed as his course on human Behavioral biology was an easy useful way to be able to comprehend the various studies and so forth that had been done over the years. the phycology department of Toronto and MIT both have all their lectures online for free. the information I gathered set me free.
Never again will I let preconditioning of emotional and social failures determine my self-worth and, how judgmental I was able to be. I realized change was possible EVERY PERSON can become more than what they were once they are prepared to do the work.
I quit my job and started following in this fire that was burning in me. Strangely, it was the idea that I needed to share this liberating information with other people. and I developed a business concept that could potentially develop 2 industries in South Africa at once, and I set to work on it.
I found myself on the doorstep of a Sangoma on my journey to opening the way for one of the aspects of the business model. it was my first time having a consult. I already had my hair on dreadlocks, and she could not take her eyes off me. initially my intention was never to get a consult, it was to talk about general business when she said that she needs us to do it in order to trust me.
The consult brought about various predictions and ideas that stay with me until this day.
Part of it was that I would succeed in my Quest of creating a lively hood for Traditional healers in our national economic landscape, not just as a businesswoman, but also as a healer. she said that I had ancestors on the other side who wanted me to head the calling.
Not Really understanding the power of manifestation of affirmation at the time I agreed. for me it was about once again expanding my consciousness and my general life experiences. I did not even begin to grasp wat was about to happen to me, my perfect picket fence life I was leaving behind or the rebirth that would lead me to become Isangoma.
Within just 2 years of my Awakening, I had found myself a new person. to such extreme that people who had known me before and during this time called me a hypocrite, a know it all who thinks she is better than everyone. a fake. a liar. they said I was suffering from a god complex. People did not know me anymore and I did not care. I loved who I was becoming and the growing I was experiencing. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) these changes also led to the end of a 17-year relationship and a broken home for 2 children. I had lost everything I was holding on to, too tightly. it turns out you cannot possess others; you can simply love them for who they are. It started dawning on me that what was happening was the clearing of the pathway for me to commit to my commitment made. I did some more research about healers, shamans, the moon, the universe, the butterfly effect even Nicola Tesla who lived his life around number patterns.
My father always said that the universe is filled with Endless opportunities, and you can be anything you ever want and do anything you could ever dream of, just remember that every action has a reaction. Looking at it like that from a spider diagram point of view it is easy to see that it was not just about being Isangoma and throwing bones, growing herbs or giving mute. Having access to such a high level of energy I would need to implement some of the tricks done by Buddhists, shamans and other traditional healers. Doing right by my body and by my mind and by my spirit. keeping this vessel pure and sanctified. The demanding lifestyle it was asking for me was just too much to give up in one go, so I said that I would take a year. 1 last year to be bad, to say and do things people later regret, to eat junk and to enjoy the little pleasures our humanness allows for. Everything happens for a reason they say and during the GAP year I was able to face more demons. for I was faced with choices time and time again to do the selfless thing. to be tested to see what I would take for myself. what I would destroy for my own selfishness. in a sense, it took some of my innocence as I started realizing the world was not as pure and kind as I had thought.
People grew up and lived lives filled with pain, disappointment and tragedy. everyone has a story, and everyone has their own way of dealing with it. as tragic as it sounds, for me it was quite comforting to start realizing that everyone, no matter how mean they were or nice they were, or superficial or or or , they were all just little kids on the inside all screaming to come out. all wanting to be noticed and loved and accepted for who they are.
I realized that I was not the evil one. Yes, I probably behaved like a sociopath for more than 80% of my life and yes, I had the ability to destroy. but so does everyone else and the beauty in that lie in the fact that we are all simply scared little kids on the inside. fighting bravely day after day to make it in a world rid of magic and yet filled with it. Living lives conflicted with acceptance vs being seen or pretending vs being true. self-protection is the thing that we all deal with until we experience self-love, self-acceptance and the space to acknowledge both your dark and light side. And I was going to spread my darkness and my light so that everyone could see they too can be all they can be free of judgement and without rejection. so, I once again set out on a Quest to empower myself with the abilities to help others and live my purpose of spreading joy.